Work Wanker. Don’t be one of them.
Unfortunately, I work with a work wanker who has no filter whatsoever. He will say whatever he wants to say without giving it actual thought.
Last night, I found a blade on my tray at work. This is a big no no. I went to my supervisor to report my findings and my colleague, Wanker, proceeds to mimic cutting himself whilst giggling like a juvenile twit. I said, “That really isn’t appropriate.”
My supervisor surprisingly, joins in and shows him the correct way to cut himself. I turn to them both and say, “Have either of you two actually lost someone to suicide? Or cut themselves? Because I have, to both accounts!”
I walk away and begin telling my colleague what has just happened, but I’m so angry and upset by the memories that I burst into tears. My colleague Pam, an absolute dear, takes me out of the room. Queue embarrassment as everyone sees me crying.
My supervisor comes out and apologises to me. I explain that said Wanker has also been making comments about my weight for the past few weeks. I laugh them off, that’s my defence mechanism to my biggest insecurity.
Yes, I am doing something about it and normally comments like the comments I’ve been getting from him, would derail me. Not this time. I may have showed some weakness last night, but I’m still firmly on track for this lifestyle change.
Safe to say, when I got home I deleted him from my Facebook.
My issue is the suicide jokes. It’s not a joke. I’ve lost two people to suicide, my cousin and my ex-boyfriend. I myself have contemplated suicide on numerous occasions. It’s not something I freely share, but I will on this occasion.
When I was diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety, I was on antidepressants. They didn’t work for me, in fact they made me worse. I would think about suicide and death everyday. I never intended to act on those thoughts, I knew I would be ok one day. I hoped I would, anyway.
Three years on, I am ok. Therapy helped, mostly with my anxiety and I’m so much better than I was. I have never been that low before in my life and I hope I never will again. It was such a dark time in my life.
Unfortunately, not everyone has that mentality or that help structure. People work differently and different methods help them. It’s important to realise everyone is struggling with something. People assume because I am so bubbly, happy and 95% of the time laughing, that I’m perfectly fine. I’m not. I have issues like everyone else.
Be more considerate to others.